


Burden

by Talsi74656



Series: Talsi's Twelve Days of Ficmas [2]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Away Mission Gone Wrong, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-04 13:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5335394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talsi74656/pseuds/Talsi74656
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An away team is cut off from Voyager on an icy and inhospitable planet. Can they survive long enough to make it back to the ship?</p><p>On the second day of ficmas Talsi gave to me, two freezing crewmen</p><p>The second fic in Talsi's Twelve Days of Ficmas</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't the product of a prompt.
> 
> Disclaimer: Star Trek is Paramount's. J/C might be canon otherwise.

The attack had come without warning. Overwhelming disruptor blasts scattered the away team in every direction and Kathryn lost sight of not only her camp, but her crew. She had been chased into the snow covered forest with nothing but her tricorder and comm badge. She hadn’t even managed to take a jacket.  
  
As disarming as her lack of supplies was, the loss of her team burned in her mind. She’d heard nothing from them, no shouts in the distance and no communique over the comm system for almost half an hour.  
  
At first she wanted to go back for them, but pragmatism got the better of her. They had been attacked by at least fifteen people. Fifteen people their tricorders hadn’t been able to detect until they were already in combat. If she turned back now she likely wouldn’t make it back to Voyager.  
  
So she pushed away hoping for some sign of Chakotay or Neelix, Harry, Baytart or Kyoto. She had tried hailing Voyager a dozen times since the attack, but there was no response, prompting the fear that the attack hadn’t just been isolated to the planet.  
  
It was her fault they were on this planet. The scientist in her had desired a closer look at some strange energy readings on the planet’s southern continent. Once again she’d put her crew’s lives at stake for some irrelevant data.  
  
She cursed her insatiable curiosity and resolved that, when she made it out of this situation alive, Voyager’s course for home was going to be a lot more direct from now on.  
  
If _I make it out of this situation,_ she corrected herself.   
  
The bitter, frozen wind ripped through her clothes as though she was naked. She had been trembling for a good fifteen minutes now, teeth chattering and legs wobbling as she progressed through the darkened landscape.  
  
She needed to find some shelter, a blanket, something to keep her warm or she was going to die – and soon.  
  
She’d already made a vain attempt to create a small fire from the forest debris, but the wood was too damp. As for shelter, her tricorder revealed little more than snow and trees for another kilometre in every direction.  
  
Until this point she’d thought herself blessed with good fortune. Oh Voyager went through some nasty scrapes, but her ingenuity and perseverance saw the crew through, saw her through, on each and every occasion. _This time,_ she surmised, _I’m out of luck._  
  
Her feet and hands had gone numb, her nose and ears burned and she began to wonder how long before frost bite would set in.  
  
_This isn’t as bad as some winter nights in Indiana_ , she told herself. According to her tricorder the temperature was only minus ten degrees Celsius. Some nights in Indiana, the temperature could reach minus fifteen or minus twenty degrees. That being said, on those nights she’d have been huddled inside, in front of the warm fire or with temperature control adjusting for the frost. She’d also have coffee, what she wouldn’t do for a coffee right about now.  
  
Another ten minutes saw her swaying, almost unable to remain on her feet. All survival training seemed to have fled her mind. She had less than no idea what she could do to keep herself alive now. Her trembling had become so intense that she could hardly take a step.  
  
Another ten minutes and she fell forward into the hard packed snow, shivering and unable to move another foot. Unless by some miracle Voyager found her, she was finally out of luck.  
  
This was not at all how she had envisioned her death. She’d thought it would be in battle against the Borg or maybe in the defence of her crew.  
  
With no strength left Kathryn felt her eyes becoming heavy. She felt the pull of unconsciousness and struggled to fight it, to stay alive until that miracle happened.  
  
She failed.


	2. Chapter 2

Something crackled nearby, warm and pleasant. Kathryn’s eyes fluttered open and she squinted painfully against the light of a fire. She surveyed the area cautiously, trying to figure out exactly who had provided her salvation.  
  
Blurry though he was, she would recognise his form anywhere. Chakotay sat a few feet away, distracted by whatever he held in his hands.  
  
She sent a silent thanks to the universe for protecting him. Losing him wasn’t something she wanted to think about. She just hoped the rest of her team had made it out alive as well.  
  
The scent of charring wood filled her nostrils, a smell reminiscent of the pine, bringing the memory of Christmases on Earth. Her family would sit around the fire, exchange their gifts and tell each other of their adventures throughout the year. Her next Christmas with them would certainly be an event.  
  
Kathryn’s vision began to return slowly. He had brought her to a small cave, away from the frozen ground and bitter chill and with luck, away from their attackers.  
  
She was impressed that he had found this location, more impressed that he had found _her_. That was the thing with him though; he always seemed to be there when she needed him the most.  
  
“Chakotay,” she croaked.  
  
He whirled around appearing shocked by the sound of her voice. In an instant he was kneeling beside her. “Are you ok?” he placed the back of his hand across her forehead feeling her temperature.  
  
“I’m alright,” she groaned. “How about you?” she asked quickly.  
  
“I’m fine, I managed to take out a few of them and then lost them in the woods,” he explained with a grin.  
  
He turned back toward the fire and picked up a Starfleet water flask, offering her the bottle. She took it, but drank sparingly, aware that this could be all they had for a while.  
  
Her eyes flicked to the fire. “How’d you manage that? All of the wood I found was too damp.”  
  
He chuckled lightly. “I cheated actually,” he told her after she handed the canteen back to him. He pulled out his phaser, waggling it between his fingers.  
  
She grunted. “I lost mine in a melee, I kept my tricorder though.”  
  
“Excellent, now we make up one, complete away team member,” he joked.  
  
She smiled in response and she sniffed a small laugh.  
  
Life began to return to her frozen body which, as it turned out, was not a blessing. Her fingers and toes began to tingle and burn, her muscles tightened causing her to shiver again. She wriggled closer to the fire hoping not to draw Chakotay’s attention to her shuddering.  
  
But Chakotay was perceptive as ever. He gave her a concerned frown. “You should take my jacket,” he unzipped his uniform before she shook her head vehemently.  
  
“And let _you_ freeze?” she countered. “I’ll be fine in a little while,” she told him. She at least had dealt with this kind of weather in the past. From the stories Chakotay had told Kathryn his home on Trebus rarely changed below twenty three degrees Celsius.  
  
He paused considering her words. “Are you sure? I’ve been by the fire for a while, I’m not cold.”  
  
She appreciated his attempt, but she would warm soon enough. She couldn’t stand the thought that, should they become separated again, he’d be without his jacket. She shook her head with a smile. “I’ll be fine,” she reaffirmed.  
  
He gave nodded his acceptance and returned to the spot he’d been sitting when she woke.  
  
“We can probably stay here for the night,” he said conversationally. “The cave’s fairly deep, so the light from the fire doesn’t reach outside.”  
  
Kathryn readjusted to sit up, only just realising how exhausted she truly was. She closed her eyes through a spell of light-headedness. “That’s a good idea,” she agreed, touching a hand to her temple.  
  
Groggy though she was she didn’t feel tired. The heat from the fire and her anxiety over the remainder of the away team’s whereabouts kept her mind active.  
  
She watched Chakotay as he stoked the fire and added another log. If not for him then she’d be dead, yet again. How often had he done that? How often had he saved her?  
  
“How did you manage to find me?” she asked.  
  
“Dumb luck, really,” he responded with a soft smile. “I was running along the tree line and saw the red from your uniform, against the snow,” he added.  
  
She continued to study him. His expression changed for a split second to anguish, or something approaching fear before the familiar twinkle in his eyes returned.  
  
“Well,” she sat adjusted her position trying to make sure her leg didn’t fall asleep. “Thank you,” she said earnestly. “Your timing, as always, was impeccable.”  
  
He averted his gaze though she saw that ‘hurt’ again. Had someone else not been so fortunate? She didn’t want to think about that now and surely he’d have told her if that were the case.  
  
“You didn’t encounter anyone else?” She asked, just to be sure.  
  
He shook his head. “Unfortunately not.”  
  
Her eyes flicked to the mouth of the cave almost instinctively. Rationally she knew the chance that any of her crew might waltz into the cave was slim at best, but rational thought didn’t really enter into this scenario.  
  
“They’re fine, I’m sure of it,” Chakotay said, obviously sensing her worry.  
  
She forced herself to nod and smile. “You’re right.” Before she could stop herself her eyes flicked over the entrance again.  
  
He gave a short laugh. “Nothing I say is going to make you stop worrying,” he realised aloud.  
  
“No, probably not,” she agreed.  
  
“Well, there’s not much we can do from here,” he said in a definite tone.  
  
She exhaled nervously. He was right, again. “I suppose that means you’ve tried contacting them? Tried contacting Voyager?” She questioned. _With the same results as me_ , she added to herself.  
  
He gave a short, rather irritated nod. “There seems to be some kind of interference,” he replied.  
  
Interference or something had happened to Voyager as well. The thought turned her stomach. There wasn’t much she could do from here, though.  
  
“Everything’s going to be fine,” Chakotay told her in a positive tone.  
  
She wanted to believe Chakotay’s words, to trust him but the niggling doubt that often rested in her mind was ever prevalent today. She’d believe everything was ok when she and the rest of her away team were back aboard Voyager and probably a good two or three light-years away from this planet.  
  
“You should rest,” Chakotay suggested.  
  
“I’m not tired,” she responded levelly.  
  
He gave her an unimpressed frown. “Kathryn, I daresay tomorrow is going to be a long day,” he said. “We will need to rest in shifts, just in case,” he added.  
  
“Alright, I’ll watch for the first shift then,” she said.  
  
He met her gaze and gave a heavy sigh. “Alright,” he conceded. “Wake me in four hours.”


	3. Chapter 3

Chakotay’s woke with a start to the sound of voices nearby. The memory of where he was and what had happen came flooding back and he sat bolt upright searching the area. His heart pounded in his chest becoming more frantic when he noted Kathryn’s absence.  
  
The fire was still lit, obviously well maintained, but his Captain was nowhere in sight.  
  
“Kathryn?” He called.  
  
He didn’t hear an answer, but thought he heard the voices again, coming from the entrance of the cave. He patted his side looking for his phaser, which was gone.  
  
He gave the area a cursory look for the weapon before deciding that Kathryn had taken it, at least he hoped she had. The tricorder however lay next to the stump she’d been sitting on. He pocketed the device and made his way to the entrance of the cave.  
  
The voices, he quickly established, were Kathryn and Tuvok, though he couldn’t hear what they were saying. Good news, at least; Voyager had found them.  
  
Cool morning air wafted through the cave and Chakotay could see a sliver a light peeking through the mouth. Kathryn had let him sleep far longer than four hours. With a frustrated sigh he stalked through the entrance to see Kathryn next to a small stand of trees, a short distance away. Hands planted firmly on her hips, she seemed to be studying their surroundings.  
  
“We’ll head out as soon as we can,” she said.  
  
“Very well, Captain. The shuttle will be there in three hours,” Tuvok’s voice answered, his voice breaking up as he spoke. Evidently the interference was still present, though Voyager had broken through.  
  
“We should be there by the time they land,” Kathryn finished.  
  
“We may be unable to contact you again,” the Vulcan stated.  
  
“Understood.”  
  
“Safe journey, Captain,” Tuvok finished.  
  
Chakotay approached, catching her eye as she finished her conversation.  
  
“Thank you, Tuvok. Janeway out,” she tapped her comm badge and gave a positive grin. “There’s a small, abandoned city about twelve kilometres to the south-west,” she told him. “Voyager can’t cut through the interference to beam us out, so Tom’s going to meet us in the Flyer,” she added.  
  
Chakotay nodded, “yes, I remember seeing it on the map during the survey.” He drew a mental image of the area; they had come a lot further from their original camp than he’d thought.  
  
“The rest of the away team are fine,” she continued. “They’re together and they’re only a couple of kilometres from the ruins. They should be there in less than an hour.”  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s great news.”  
  
“It is,” she agreed. For obvious reasons she sounded much happier now. Knowing that both Voyager and the away team were alright had lifted her spirits, Chakotay’s too.  
  
“We should head out now,” Kathryn said, turning back toward the cave. “I don’t want the shuttle waiting any longer than they have to.”  
  
He followed her to clean up and gather the few supplies they’d left behind before heading off. Kathryn exchanged the phaser for the tricorder and led the way.  
  
They would be able to stick to the forest edge for about five kilometres, before needing to cross a rather large frozen lake. Thankfully the temperature had risen significantly since the night, a balmy minus six degrees, the tricorder predicting a top of minus three. Their journey may not be comfortable without cold weather clothing, but it would be manageable.  
  
Another problem presented itself almost immediately however. With not a cloud in the sky the light from the planet’s star reflected off the snow. The light was blinding, slowing their progress considerably. They decided, after not too long, to walk through the tree line to diminish the glare, at least partly.  
  
Chakotay waited before bringing up the matter of his sleep-in. He knew her temperament when it came to these kinds of matters so he wanted to be subtle. They’d walked for about an hour without much talking, so it would be a nice break from the silence.  
  
“How long was I out?”  
  
She turned a glare on him. _Not subtle enough, apparently_.  
  
He gave a breathy sigh. “Well, you did say you’d wake me after four hours,” he commented.  
  
“I wasn’t tired,” she argued.  
  
“And now?”  
  
She fixed him with a disapproving frown. “I’m fine, really. I’ve managed double shifts on Voyager under less sleep,” she managed.  
  
His ironic laugh earned him another scowl. “How many of those double shifts had you walking through snow for three hours?” he pressed.  
  
She shrugged her nonchalance and stamped a foot. “This snow is so hard packed it’s _hardly_ difficult to cross.”  
  
Trying as she could be, at times, he admired her ability to dodge a question or topic, if she so desired. He wasn’t going to get anywhere and it wasn’t as though they could stop so she could have a nap now, so he let the topic lie.  
  
Obviously feeling as though she’d won she perked a little, shoulders lifting, chin raising and giving a self-satisfied grin.  
  
He licked his lips, focussing on the terrain. He let wasn’t about to reinforce this kind of behaviour. Captain or not she needed to treat herself better than she did.  
  
“I guess I should have a chat with Tuvok and the Doctor when we return,” he began.  
  
She glanced up, obviously curious where he was going with his statement.  
  
“You know, to make sure you don’t need to pull double shifts like that.”  
  
He couldn’t help but smirk at her reaction. She stopped, dead, fixing him with a fierce glare, the one normally reserved for the Borg, the Hirogen or whatever other nuisance presented itself in Voyager’s path. “You wouldn’t dare.”  
  
“You need to take better care of yourself,” he told her earnestly. “We needed to rest in shifts for a reason.”  
  
She shook her head. “So, you want me to believe, were our positions reversed, you’d have woken me after four hours?”  
  
He opened his mouth to say that he would, but that would be a lie. His hesitation brought another self-satisfied smile forth. “I’d at least have tried to get a few hours’ sleep,” he objected.  
  
“I’m sure you would have,” she said, continuing on.  
  
He followed close, not giving up. “You should lead by example,” he attempted.  
  
“And you shouldn’t coddle me,” she countered.  
  
“ _Coddle?_ ” he asked, “I _do not_ coddle you,” he added. The very idea that he ‘coddled’ her grated. For one thing, she wouldn’t let him coddle her, even if he tried.  
  
“Then what do _you_ call it?” she asked, he honestly couldn’t tell if she was irritated or amused.  
  
“Taking _care_ of,” he responded. He grimaced at his choice of words.  
  
She turned to him again, frowning distastefully. “You do not need to take care of me.”  
  
“Well _someone_ has to,” he scoffed.  
  
She gave an affronted huff and began to disagree, but something caught Chakotay’s ear. The sound was faint, maybe one hundred meters through the trees, the sound of footfalls over forest brush. He held up a hand to silence Kathryn, though she stopped of her own volition, apparently hearing it too.  
  
She held the tricorder up, despite the fact that they knew the aliens had a way of avoiding detection. There were other things she could track, changes in temperature and unnatural movement seeming to be her preferred choices at this time.  
  
After motioning in the direction of the sound she held up two fingers to indicate their number. To give a casual air Chakotay continued their conversation. “I know you don’t need to be taken care of, but sometimes you take on more than you should.”  
  
Kathryn picked up a rather large stick and moved to position a large tree between herself and their possible attackers. Chakotay, phaser out and ready, watched the trees closely, looking for any sign of movement.  
  
“I’m the Captain,” Kathryn continued. “I can hardly sit back and watch my crew do all of the work.”  
  
“I’m not saying that you should,” despite the tone of their conversation his eyes continued their search. “I’m just saying that Tuvok and I can handle a bit more of the responsibility, you don’t need to work a double shift on no sleep.”  
  
A flash of green through the trees, about forty meters into the brush, caught Chakotay’s attention. The colour was wrong for the environment and the movement was too irregular to be the trees. He watched its direction and the moment it came into view again he fired.  
  
He thought he’d hit something, but was immediately pinned by bolts of green fire, too many for one attacker. One struck just next to Kathryn blasting a hole in the tree she’d been using as shelter.  
  
“Go,” he said. “Run!”  
  
Without a second thought she complied and he took off behind her, firing back toward the tree line. Kathryn chose to leave the trees, obviously feeling the clutter more risky than the limited shelter they might provide. This drew them out. A pair of the aliens ran, hot on their heels.  
  
Chakotay paused briefly to line-up a shot and hit one of the pair in the chest. The other fired back, he felt the warmth of the bolt as it passed just by his head.  
  
They continued running for a short while, Chakotay shooting over his shoulder, though it appeared the remaining alien had stayed behind with his fallen companion.  
  
He focus was fixed on their attackers, so absorbed that he missed Kathryn yell, _“stop!”_  
  
By the time the word registered in his mind, it was too late.  
  
He collided with her and felt her grasp for him. He turned in time to watch her lose her footing and slide down, into a ravine. He made an attempt to grab her arm, but she fell too quickly. A moment later he heard her cry out in pain.  
  
_Oh god, what have I done?_  
  
“Kathryn!” Chakotay shouted. He glanced into the cloud of white, trying to see how far she’d fallen, trying to spot her in the snow that had been kicked up by the fall. The bottom of the ravine couldn’t be more than ten meters down, though that was a long way to fall on hard-packed snow.  
  
Urgently his eyes searched the area for a way down. To the right he spotted a natural slope. “Hold on, Kathryn!” he called. He wasn’t even sure she was conscious, perhaps he was speaking more to calm himself?  
  
He made his way to the incline and headed down as quickly as he could, without making the edge of the ravine collapse. The moment he made it to the bottom he spotted her. She was holding a hand over her mouth, obviously trying not to make any noise.  
  
Rushing to her side he examined her. “Are you alright?” he asked quickly. _What a ridiculous question._  
  
She was writhing, evidently in pain.  
  
“My leg,” she breathed. “It’s broken.”  
  
She motioned to her left leg which was buried under a layer of snow. As gently as he could he shifted the snow away from her wounded limb. The break was nasty; the bone protruded through the skin and her pant leg just below her knee.  
  
The sight turned Chakotay’s stomach and he had to rub a hand across his mouth to control his reaction.  
  
She sat up to look and groaned before resting her head back against the snow again. As much for himself as for her, he held out a hand which she took gratefully. The contact was a comfort, though small, it still did a world of good to feel the warmth of her skin. Hopefully he provided the same relief to her.  
  
“Is that your only injury?” he asked.  
  
She closed her eyes as though assessing herself and, after a moment, nodded.  
  
Licking his lips as he thought about what they were going to do, he examined the area. The large stick she’d been carrying sat by her foot; he could use that. The tricorder hand landed a couple of meters away. He began to remove his jacket and she placed a hand on his arm.  
  
“What are you doing?” she asked quietly.  
  
“I’m going to try to make you a splint,” he explained.  
  
She drew in a deep breath and shook her head. “Chakotay,” she said softly. He knew what she was going to say.  
  
“No,” he responded immediately.  
  
“Chakotay, you need to be reasonable,” she tried again.  
  
He let out an ironic laugh.  
  
“I’m not going to be able to walk,” she argued through ragged breaths.  
  
“I’ll carry you,” he told her. He could do it.  
  
“We still have about another seven kilometres to go. Chakotay, that would be difficult enough, in this weather, without having to carry me,” she protested. Her words were spoken through pained pauses, giving him a good indication of just how bad the wound was.  
  
“We’ll make it,” he insisted.  
  
“Please, you need to leave me, you’ll never make carrying me,” she implored.  
  
“No, Kathryn, I am not leaving you to die here,” he snapped.  
  
“You can’t carry me that far. I am a burden, you need to go on without me,” she urged.  
  
“You will _never_ be a burden to me,” he responded with perhaps more anger than he intended. “I would carry you across this whole damn planet if I had to, frozen, dying – none of that matters…” he trailed off as he thought about what he’d been about to say. _None of that matters because this is my fault, and I’ll be damned if you die because of me. None of that matters because I can’t lose you. None of that matters because if you die I might as well die too_. He averted his gaze, concentrating on the task at hand, or at least trying to.  
  
He removed his jacket wrapping it over his shoulder as he began to think of the logistics of splinting the break. “I’m going to have to set your leg,” he told her.  
  
She grimaced and shook her head, whether from frustration because he’d ignored her plea or anxiety over having her leg splinted, he wasn’t certain.  
  
He opened the tricorder and adjusted it to scan the break. The device wasn’t anywhere near as useful as a medical tricorder for the purpose, but it gave him an indication of how bad the damage was and even displayed how best to set the injury. Thankfully the break had been relatively clean, though she would require surgery once they made it back to Voyager.  
  
He read through the guide quickly, cursing himself for not having grabbed the med-kit. The display showed that if the patient couldn’t be given anything for the pain then the patient should bite down on something.  
  
They only had the branch Kathryn had been carrying when she fell. Wrapping the branch with his shirt he handed it to her. She needed no explanation, though she did give a resigned sigh before biting down.  
  
He watched as she closed her eyes again, as though mentally preparing for the pain.  
  
Chakotay had never really thought of himself as squeamish, but he had to psych himself up before he was able to slip one hand under her calf.  
  
She cringed, one arm wrapping around her forehead, the other across her stomach.  
  
“Alright, I’m going to pull in three,” he began. “Two,” before the next count he followed the tricorder’s directions for setting the injury. Kathryn’s agonised howl was muffled by the branch, though he wouldn’t be surprised if her cry had been heard by their pursuers.  
  
Once he finished setting the break he took her hand. She seemed eager for the contact, squeezing tight.  
  
With her spare hand she pulled the branch away and rested back into the snow, eyes clenched shut. Her shallow breathing had not abated and for a moment he feared that he’d hurt her further, not that it stopped her from thrusting the branch in his direction. “We need to hurry,” she growled.  
  
With a nod he reluctantly released her hand and took the branch. The tricorder indicated that he needed to put the splint on the back of her leg so he moved around trying to figure out how to go about that without causing any additional injuries. She seemed to realise what he was trying and lifted her leg grimacing in pain all the while.  
  
He acted as quickly as he could, placing the branch under her knee to stop the joint from bending. It wasn’t a perfect splint, the stick wasn’t quite long enough to prevent the rest of her leg from moving, but hopefully it would be enough until they could get back to Voyager. Once the splint was in place, he wrapped the wound carefully with his jacket.  
  
“I think that’s about the best I can do, without a med-kit,” he told her.  
  
She’d squeezed her eyes shut through the procedure, but his words encouraged her to open them again.  
  
“This is probably a stupid question, but, how does it feel?” he asked tentatively.  
  
She gave a light laugh. “Wonderful,” she replied, head slumping back into the snow again. He could see that she was still in a great deal of pain, but if he’d fixed the leg properly it should feel far better than it had.  
  
“Ok,” he began, moving to her side and handed her the tricorder. “You can navigate.”  
  
“You were serious,” she gasped as he took her arm and wrapped it around his shoulder.  
  
“Of course I was,” he said.  
  
She exhaled sharply as he lifted her, finding a (hopefully) comfortable position for her leg. The stick dug into his arm at first and he had to manoeuvre his positioning so that it nestled into his elbow.  
  
“You can’t do this, Chakotay,” she said again.  
  
Despite her objection he began to walk into the icy field to the south-west. “That’s some positive reinforcement, Captain,” he joked.  
  
She didn’t seem to find it very funny, though. “You could make it to the shuttle, bring a stretcher back,” she objected.  
  
His eyes flicked to hers as he continued on. “At least four hours out here, on your own?” he countered. He shook his head. “You may be tough, Kathryn, but I doubt even you could survive that.”  
  
With a sigh she slumped against his arm giving a rather perturbed frown. Though she didn’t say anything she did put her other hand on his shoulder. Perhaps as a silent, if stubborn thanks?  
  
After ten minutes Chakotay got the sneaking suspicion that she might be right. He was much slower carrying her, worrying about hurting her and he was already exhausted. Their only reprieve came when the sky clouded over, blocking the sun and its blinding reflection on the snow.  
  
He pushed on, determined to make it to the shuttle with Kathryn. He would make it. He had to.


	4. Chapter 4

“You haven’t fallen asleep, have you?” Chakotay’s voice brought Kathryn out of her stupor. Her eyes fluttered open to the same icy field they’d been travelling across for what felt like days.  
  
She had no idea how long they’d actually been walking or more precisely how long Chakotay had been walking. Her eyes flicked to the tricorder that she still clutched to her chest. However long it had been he had cleared almost five kilometres. He must be exhausted.  
  
“I’m awake,” she muttered.  
  
While she hadn’t been asleep her thoughts had been cloudy since her fall. She knew he’d been trying to keep her engaged but she couldn’t for the life of her remember their last conversation.  
  
“What were we talking about?” she prompted.  
  
He gave a small laugh. “We were discussing my promotion.”  
  
She could only assume he was joking or she had been. “Does that mean I’m now an admiral?”  
  
“I guess so.”  
  
“I’m sure Starfleet will have something to say about this when we get home,” she said with a laugh.  
  
“I’m sure we get encourage them to see the logic in your promotion,” he commented. He sounded out of breath. Talking probably wasn’t helping him much.  
  
She didn’t respond, but readjusted herself to a hopefully more comfortable position. Ordinarily this would embarrass her, and in a way it did, but he had been right earlier. If he’d left her behind she’d probably frozen by the time he returned for her. That or become victim to their alien attackers.  
  
Kathryn didn’t want to die. Oh, she’d sacrifice her life for her crew in a heartbeat, but that was different. She truly was lucky to have him here, and on Voyager in general.  
  
“Twice in one day,” she said without thinking.  
  
He cocked his head to the side. “Hmm?”  
  
She cleared her throat awkwardly. “You’ve saved my life twice in one day.”  
  
He gave a sheepish grin and licked his lips. “I don’t know about that.”  
  
And modest as ever, she thought to herself. “I do.”  
  
It was his turn to clear his throat. He appeared rather more uncomfortable than she expected. “Just being a good first officer,” he mumbled.  
  
“And a fine friend,” she added.  
  
His eyes flicked to the side, avoiding her gaze. His discomfort increased substantially when she called him friend. The expression was disheartening to say the least. Did he no longer think of her as a friend? They’d been a little distant of late, ever since the incident on Quarra, but surely their friendship hadn’t waned that far.  
  
She avoided looking at his face, focussing instead on the ground as they slowly progressed. If not for this she might have missed a glinting light in the distance. Her eyes fixed on the position thinking, at first, that it was just the star’s rays hitting a patch of bared ice.  
  
A second flash came, this time brighter, green shooting forth from a figure in the far distance.  
  
Kathryn’s reaction time was impeccable. She reached awkwardly for the phaser, holstered on Chakotay’s hip, raising it in the direction of the flash and fired as the green bolt struck.  
  
She didn’t quite register what was happening until she hit the ground. She heard Chakotay cry in pain and watched as the phaser scattering to the side, across the snow. Her own cry of pain joined her first officer’s as he fell heavy atop her leg.  
  
A long moment passed before her brain finally managed to work out what had happened. Chakotay had been hit by the enemy’s disruptor. Given the lack of return fire Kathryn had either hit her mark or they had decided their shot had hit its mark, that their target was dead.  
  
A surge of panic welled within Kathryn, matching her adrenaline rush. She sat up and rolled Chakotay over. She breathed a relieved sigh at the realisation that, not only was he still alive, but he was still conscious.  
  
“Sorry,” he whispered.  
  
Kathryn gave a small laugh and realised that her eyes were beginning to sting with tears. She cupped his cheek and shook her head. “Don’t you dare be sorry.”  
  
“This is my fault,” he added in a breath.  
  
She stared at him, perplexed by his statement. How was this possibly _his_ fault?  
  
“I should have stopped,” he muttered blearily.  
  
At first she had no idea what he was talking about until he spoke again. “I should have been paying attention.  
  
He was talking about the ravine. “Oh, Chakotay,” she breathed. “No, I didn’t see the drop until we were right on top of it.” Her attempt to reassure him was met with a look of such shame that it broke Kathryn’s heart.  
  
_Was this the reason he’d been upset when she called him her friend?_  
  
“It doesn’t matter now,” he muttered. She noted for the first time that he was holding his side. Blood had begun to pool between his fingers soaking his grey turtleneck.  
  
Without much grace she rolled onto her side and unwrapped the dressing on her wound, grunting in pain as she pulled the blood soaked cloth from above the break.  
  
“Kathryn, what are you doing?”  
  
As he had earlier she ignored his question, discarding the branch before re-wrapping her leg as a pressure bandage, rather than a splint.  
  
“Kathryn,” he tried again.  
  
She removed her jacket and bunched it.  
  
“ _Kathryn_ ,” Chakotay growled.  
  
“We’re getting to that shuttle,” she answered. She lifted his turtleneck and shirt despite his protests and held her jacket over the area. Then took his hand and pressed it to the wound.  
  
He gave a small, breathy laugh. “I don’t think I can carry you further.”  
  
She ignored him again and pushed herself up onto her side. The throb in her leg intensified and she had to stop for a second to mentally prepare for the pain. This would be difficult, but they could do it. Chakotay was one of the strongest people she knew. They only had two kilometres left to walk, thanks to him. They were going to make it.  
  
Difficult as it was she pulled Chakotay to a seated position and slung his arm around her shoulder.  
  
He gave a breathy laugh. “You’re kidding me, right?”  
  
“No.” She grabbed the branch to her side and used it to pull the phaser and tricorder to her, placing them both in their holsters. Then, using the branch as leverage, she pulled them both to their feet.  
  
Chakotay swayed unevenly and stumbled to the side. To steady them Kathryn was forced to step on her leg and only remained standing thanks to the branch.  
  
He gave her a weak frown and shook his head. “Kathryn, you could probably make it.”  
  
“I can’t leave you,” she told him. With stubborn determination she took a step and supported him forward with her.  
  
“You – can’t possibly - carry me there,” his voice was growing shakier by the word.  
  
She gave a small ironic smile. “I would carry you across this whole damn planet if I had to,” she echoed his earlier words.  
  
“You’ll die here with me, you should go,” he suggested.  
  
Despite her earlier protests that he should leave her behind. Despite some deep _Vulcan_ part of her brain telling her that attempting to help him was suicide, she couldn’t leave him. “I would rather die here with you - than return to Voyager without you,” She admitted. Life on Voyager without Chakotay was not something she could face.  
  
“I need you.” As a display of her sincerity she met his eyes and placed a hand on his cheek once again.  
  
From the warmth in his eyes he understood the depth of her statement. This wasn’t about Captain and first officer, this wasn’t even about friends.  
  
He swallowed before finally nodding. “Then let’s get back to Voyager.”  
  
Their progress was slow. Both grumbled and groaned while trying not to show the other just how much pain they were in. They were probably each other’s greatest weakness, in a way, but they were also each other’s greatest strength. They fed off each other. They fed off their collective need to get the other to safety.  
  
She concentrated on each step with a set determination. They _would_ make it back to Voyager. She felt good about their progress. Wounded or not, nothing could stand in the way of Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay.  
  
After twenty minutes of walking Kathryn made the terrible mistake, she glanced back behind them, spotting their start location with ease. They hadn’t made it more than five hundred meters. Blood painted their trail, giving their possible pursuers a rather easy path to follow, should they continue their hunt.  
  
Noticing her reaction Chakotay glanced back as well and hung his head.  
  
“We’re not giving up,” Kathryn told him firmly.  
  
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he responded, though his voice held a distant note of grief.  
  
They continued on for another ten meters before the branch Kathryn was using for a cane pushed through the snow further than she’d anticipated. Her leg jarred on the ground and they both pitched forward.  
  
They both cried out in pain as they hit the hard ground again. Kathryn’s leg burned like fire through brush. Reflexively she clutched at it, trying desperately not to make another sound.  
  
She was certain the fall had displaced the bone again. No matter how much she wanted to move again, how much she wanted to get Chakotay back to Voyager, the pain had become too much. She slumped back against the snow again, eyes welling with tears of pain, and the tears of her failure.  
  
Chakotay seemed in no better state. He clutched at his side, breathing unsteady breaths which became harsher as the minutes wore on.  
  
Kathryn stretched out and took Chakotay’s hand, receiving a squeeze in return. Their eyes met and she thought of a hundred things she wanted to say to him. Thank you, for one, for everything he’d done to help her over the years. I’m sorry, for everything she’d inflicted on him, for the way she dismissed him. She wanted to tell him just how much he meant to her. How she wouldn’t have been able to make it this far without him. How she wished she could go back in time and undo the hurt that she’d caused over the years, ridiculous as that sounded.  
  
Most importantly, though, she wanted to tell him how much she cared. How she’d spend a good portion of her time aboard Voyager pushing him away for the fear that she might accidentally let him get too close. Well, that was ridiculous too. He’d already gotten that close.  
  
She opened her mouth, ready to spill everything, to admit her feelings before they perished here. If she could give him _that_ closure, even if he no longer felt the same, it was the least she could do.  
  
Her declaration was halted by a distant shout, a voice over the ice. At first she thought it was their attackers come to finish them off. She wouldn’t have been surprised, though she hadn’t spotted the figure who’d shot Chakotay again, her phaser had been set to stun. He may have recovered. He may be out to seek his vengeance.  
  
The voice spoke again. “I see them.” Though still distant she recognised Harry’s voice.  
  
Chakotay’s eyes closed, evidently from relief. His hand squeezed hers again and she returned the gesture, regretting that once again, she’d missed her opportunity to reveal the truth.


	5. Chapter 5

Chakotay had heard a report of the incident from the Doctor as he was being treated.  
  
Voyager had received a hail from a group claiming to have captured the away team, demanding ransom. Of course they weren’t to know that, while Voyager couldn’t pinpoint the team’s location exactly, Tuvok could see they hadn’t been captured. The rest of the team had escaped mostly uninjured, with the exception of Neelix, who had fallen in the woods, stabbing a stick through his hand. The other injury had been Baytart who was shot in the shoulder, though he managed to get away with Kyoto’s help.  
  
The team had apparently detected Kathryn’s phaser fire and realised she and Chakotay must have been in trouble. Their rescue had been timely to say the least. Kathryn had lost a lot of blood and Chakotay had been bleeding internally. They’d never have made it to the ruined city, even if Kathryn’s leg hadn’t given out.  
  
He ignored Tom’s smirk and Tuvok’s raised brow as he crossed the bridge. They knew he was still meant to be in sickbay, but this was hardly the first time any of them had escaped early.  
  
He tapped the chime on the ready room door and entered as they opened with the captain’s authorisation.  
  
Kathryn gave a delighted expression when she glanced up. “I didn’t know the Doctor had released you already,” she said brightly.  
  
He tugged his ear and avoided her gaze while answering. “ _Released_ is such a _strong_ word.” The truth was he’d slipped out while the hologram had been busy, distracted by Seven.  
  
Kathryn smiled in that beautiful way she had. Lips perking before her face bloomed into a broad grin. He lived for that smile some days and lately it had been all too rare.  
  
“Does this mean I should expect a call from him?” she asked.  
  
“Probably,” Chakotay responded with a light chuckle.  
  
She shook her head, though she was obviously amused. “I’ll tell him I need you,” she stated.  
  
Her words reminded him of those spoken on the planet. Of her strong desire to see them returned to Voyager and her sheer power of will, almost being enough to carry them there.  
  
She seemed to realise what she’d said. Her eyes darted to the floor and she licked her lips anxiously. After a second she stood. “Can I get you a drink?”  
  
Glad for the distraction he gave a warm smile. “Tea, please.”  
  
As he waited for her to replicate their drinks he moved to the couch and took his regular spot by the window.  
  
She handed him his mug and sat opposite him.  
  
In all honesty he wasn’t sure why he’d come here. He could have gone to his quarters or his office. He could have sat on the bridge or maybe just stayed in sickbay.  
  
Perhaps it was their last interaction alone on the planet? That raw moment in which they’d both imagined their end. He hadn’t felt that close to Kathryn in a long time. No, that wasn’t exactly true. He’d always felt close to Kathryn, he just seldom felt that she reciprocated. But as they held hands, dying together, he thought for a heartbeat she might return his feelings. Then again he’d basically been delirious and had probably imagined it all.  
  
“Well,” she said casually. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.” She gave another smile though there was a distance in her eyes.  
  
“And you,” he agreed. He wasn’t certain what he’d have done if she hadn’t made it back.  
  
An awkward silence fell over them and Chakotay sipped his drink, wracking his brain for something to say. He couldn’t think of anything that didn’t seem ridiculously mundane or insignificant.  
  
After a couple of minutes he began to regret his decision to come here. He should have asked her to join him for dinner, then, at least, they could talk in a more relaxed atmosphere. Not that he was certain he’d have known what to say in that case, either.  
  
Perhaps if they’d been on the ice a short time longer; if he’d been able to buck up the courage to tell her how he felt. Then again she might just avoid him altogether in that case.  
  
He glanced into his mug which was now almost empty. No person in his life had ever muddled him the way Kathryn did. Then again he’d never felt for anyone else what he felt for Kathryn. Oh, he’d been attracted to women before and since meeting Kathryn, of course. But everyone dimmed in her presence.  
  
Resolving that they probably weren’t going to say anything further, Chakotay finished his drink and made a move to stand so that he could recycle his mug.  
  
“Thank you,” she said, halting him in his tracks.  
  
He placed the mug on the table and leaned back as though that was his intention in the first place. “For what?” he asked, genuinely curious.  
  
Her eyes flicked between the mug nestled in her hands, and his eyes as though she was looking for the answer herself. She took a sip of her drink before responding. “Saving my life,” she said. Though she paused, he got the sense she wasn’t finished.  
  
“And sticking by my side,” she added.  
  
He wasn’t certain whether she meant on the planet or in general, he got the distinct impression it was the latter though.  
  
“I’d never have abandoned you,” he responded, hedging his bets on the former option.  
  
Her eyes fixed on his again. There seemed to be a deep sadness hidden within them, something he’d witnessed only a couple of times during their journey.  
  
“No, you wouldn’t,” she all but breathed. Her gaze returned to her mug again.  
  
Chakotay liked to think that he knew her fairly well. He could often pre-empt her thoughts both in command and personal situations. Now, however, he was befuddled. He cleared his throat as he considered what he needed to say. Did she need comfort or reassurance, perhaps? Or maybe she just needed a friend?  
  
Before he could give her any kind of encouragement she leaned forward and placed a hand atop his. “I meant what I said.”  
  
He wasn’t sure what she meant at first, until she followed her statement up. “I couldn’t have returned here without you.”  
  
A familiar spark passed between them. Whenever this had happened in the past, whenever they’d come too close she’d withdraw or someone would interrupt. This time, however, they were left blessedly alone and her eyes remained fixed to his. He’d thought any interest she might have had in him had waned long ago. Evidently he was wrong.  
  
He decided to take a chance. Turning his wrist up, he laced his fingers with hers. Her expression didn’t change, giving no indication whether the gesture was welcome or not.  
  
A nervous anxiety settled into the pit of his stomach. He’d have given anything for a sign, whether positive or negative, any indication as to how he should proceed.  
  
_Fortune favours the brave_ , he told himself. “If we had been there longer,” he began. “I’d have –” he cleared his throat nervously before proceeding. “I’d have told you that I could never have returned here without you.”  
  
He thought her hand was trembling, but perhaps that was his?  
  
“I’d have told you that I couldn’t bear the thought of living my life on Voyager without you,” he continued.  
  
Her expression softened ever so slightly. She listened intently as he spoke. If nothing else, that seemed to be a good sign.  
  
“Then,” he licked his lips as he summoned the nerve to say what he’d wanted to say for years. What he’d almost said on New Earth. “Then I’d have told you that I’m in love with you.”  
  
She drew and unsteady breath.  
  
Only now did the thought that he’d put her in a terrible position occur to him. He had to glance away, his eyes fixating on the carpeted floor. In all likelihood he’d just damaged their friendship beyond repair; another mistake he could spend a lifetime regretting. She had no choice but to let him down. She’d made her decision on this matter abundantly clear years ago.  
  
She leaned forward and placed her coffee mug on the table and for a heartbeat Chakotay thought she was about to ask him to leave. Instead, her thumb began to caress his and she leaned forward. Her free hand cupped his cheek and she gently she lifted his face, returning his gaze to hers.  
  
“And I’d have told you the same,” she whispered. “I love you.” Her words made his heart soar. Never, in all their time on Voyager, had he imagined he might hear those words from her, certainly not while they were in the Delta Quadrant.  
  
Still the difference between having the feelings and acting on the feelings was vast. She may have admitted them, but he wasn’t holding his breath that a relationship might bloom from their declarations. At the very least he knew that their friendship hadn’t been damaged.  
  
One thing about Kathryn that Chakotay never truly grasped was her tendency to go against the grain. Her unpredictability was, in many ways, what made her a great leader. But never in Chakotay’s wildest dreams would he have guessed her response to this situation.  
  
She stood and pulled him to his feet in front of her, eyes studying his form as though she was seeing him for the first time. Her salacious inspection set his heart racing. As excited as he was by the prospect of furthering their relationship, his nerves seemed to be winning out.  
  
Nothing stopped Kathryn, though. She seemed confident as ever as her hand slipped behind his neck, drawing him closer.  
  
Despite her confidence Chakotay still wanted to ask whether she was sure she wanted this. Years of conditioning weren’t so easy to break.  
  
Her lips touched his in a soft and tantalisingly beautiful caress that made him forget all of the insecurities he’d ever had. Her kiss seemed to bare her soul. He was confident that he knew her now in a way no one ever had before.  
  
When they moved finally apart he finally understood what Shakespeare meant when he wrote ‘parting is such sweet sorrow’. He’d have given just about anything to remain that way for the rest of their journey, the rest of his life. Perhaps that was the reason she’d held him at arm’s length for so long.  
  
She gave a warm smile as their eyes met again. All of her love and desire was painted plainly on her face and he wondered how he could have ever doubted her feelings.  
  
“So if I asked you to dinner tonight you’d probably say yes?” he posed lightly.  
  
She gave a small laugh. “Of course, I’ll bring the wine.”  
  
Whatever the future held for Voyager it suddenly became a whole lot brighter and he had a whole lot more to look forward to.

Merry Christmas!


End file.
